This year for me is about starting over, its about doing things differently. On Dec 28, 2010 I made a commitment to God that I would follow the dietary laws of the bible, which means giving up some of the foods that I love,such as pork and shellfish. I didn't belly ache about it or anything , I just walked away from those things because I love God more than any thing. After I made that commitment to God, its like I lost the taste for all of those things on the not allowed list. As soon as January 1st hit, God told me that I was to fast for 40 days so here I am. If you are interested in knowing I am doing a partial fast, no meats, no sweet, no fried foods, etc.
During this next 40 days I know that I am going to be tested like never before but I am going to stand without wavering. Actually my test began last night. I was laying in my bed and father was giving me the ins and outs of the ministry that he has placed in me. It is a ministry of benevolence. Benevolence is defined in Websters dictionary as the disposition to do good , the ability to be kind and to do things for others without accepting any rewards or payment, a generous gift. In other words the ministry that God has placed in me is one that requires my life, my gifts, my talents, my finances, my hopes ,my dreams, my wants and anything else concerning me ,to be a gift to others. This messed me up a bit . Actually after coming to the full realization of what God requires of me, I became very sad and angry. I was really feeling a lot of emotions. I cried myself to sleep.
Please don't misunderstand me,it's not that I don't want to be of service to other people, my major issue is; I've never felt that my life belonged to me. All of my life I have been a people pleas er, or maybe I should say dependable. My being a dependable person has sometimes caused me allot of pain. I find it hard to walk away from relationships and situations, no matter how unhealthy, when I feel directly responsible for those involved. I love hard. I have been hurt so often because of my love for other people. When I got up this morning I'd made up in my mind that I was going to live my life for me..I proclaimed to myself that I wasn't going to worry about anybody else , just me. See when you are too nice , too meek and too mild people tend to try and take advantage of you. I have experienced this in relationships, at Jobs where I worked even down to the church.
However Father led me to Proverbs 3:5-8 which tells us to,
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
so by this afternoon I had made another proclaimation which stated Father wherever you send me I will go. I know that if my path is directed by God, I will be able to stand the test of time. I also realize that without The Lord I am nothing and whatever I would even think to do without him would fail. Giving your trust to anyone is a mighty hard thing, but then again God is not just anybody, he is the alpha, the omega, the beginning and the ending. He is creator of all and he has my best interest as well as your at heart. All we have to do is depend totally on him and listen to him and him alone. For Jesus said in his word
27My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me (John 10:27)
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